Your movies are starting to tank
I hope you put money in the bank
Enquirer calls you a skank
but you’re still in my spank bank

The world has seen your vajayjay
We all know that you shave
You just went up three points
I love those tabloids

I don’t even care if your career is dead
I’ll stand by you till you’re well fed…

Lohan, can I be your man?
If you get too drunk, I’ll call you a cab
If you make bail, I’ll pick you up from jail
Lindsay the things I would do,
to get down with you

If you get sent to rehab
I promise I won’t be mad
I’ll even sneak in your stash
And keep your mom off your cash

I’ll make threatening phone calls
If VH1 busts your balls
I’ll show up at their studio
If TMZ calls you a ho

I don’t even care if your career is dead
I’ll stand by you till you’re well fed…

Lohan, can I be your man?
If you get too drunk, I’ll call you a cab
If you make bail, I’ll pick you up from jail
Lindsay the things I would do,
to get down with you